Stephen H. Webb, a professor of religion and philosophy, displays an enormous amount of satire all throughout his article,” How Soccer is Ruining America: A Jeremiad” claiming that soccer, is infact, ruining America. This article is complete satire and his true purpose for writing it is to denounce those who actually think soccer is ruining America, who do not consider any of the good things about soccer such as, learning sportsmanship, teaching many kids and adults discipline, and the sheer joy of watching those you care for play or the rush of excitement and accomplishment a soccer player feels when they score a goal. Therefore, Stephen H. Webb does not agree with any of the arguments he presents in his article.
Webb starts off his essay by presenting four points that he uses to strengthen his argument on how soccer is ruining America. Firstly, he says, “Any sport that that limits you to using your feet, with the occasional bang of the head, has something very wrong with it.” He states that God gave us two opposable thumbs to distinguish us from animals that walk on all fours. That hands are from God and feet are from the devil, “No, hands are divine (they are one of the body parts most frequently attributed to God), while feet are in need of redemption”. So, Webb is ridiculing those who look down on soccer by saying feet came from the devil. The second point he makes is that kids should be broken down before they begin being built up. he takes baseball for an example, about how it does not require too much cardio vascular endurance and basically consists of standing around and waiting until it is your turn to step up to the plate. Again, this is satire because soccer is a lot more intense than baseball because it is a running sport and a soccer player has to be fast to keep the ball away from the opposing team. Thirdly, he says that soccer is a “foreign invasion” and Americans should not participate in it because it is a sport for Europeans because it is all about “death and despair”. That soccer has a sense of an old-fashioned duel to the death, so might as well just flip a coin to determine who wins and not even play at all. The last point he makes to his argument is that soccer is for girls because they do not want to waste their time with baseball and football is too rough. Also,soccer is a great source of exercise that burns a ton of calories, it is not rough since in penalizes shoving, and not much gloating can be done since there is a very small margin of victory.
In conclusion to Stephen H. Webbs article, he says that parents enroll their kids in soccer because it is a great way for them to release all their energy. and it is a perfect alternative for videogames and television. Ironically, in the end of his article he admits that all three of his kids play soccer, and one of his daughters is very good at it. He tells the story of how he was asked to sign a slip that prohibits him from embarrassing his child during a soccer game. He refused to sign it saying, “I read books on the sidelines during the game, and this embarasses my daughter to no end”. He says that is his way of protesting the game. However, He concludes his article by admitting he really loves soccer, “I must say that my kids and I come home from a soccer game a very happy family. Nevertheless, the point of this article is not to present to the world about how soccer is “ruining” American, but to erode reasoning of those who disapprove of soccer and to illustrate why soccer is a great sport for kids to participate in because it teaching them integrity, determination, and teamwork.